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| Photo courtesy of Suzanne H. |
A Story From The Life of Karen S.
Ghost Written By Brendan L.
What if I Just Said No?
Family is everything. They support you through every aspect of your life. They are you fuel that drives you to be and do the best. I loved my family with all my heart. I was so caught up in my job, I had no time or energy for twin boys, a daughter and a husband. Yet sadly, it took a moment of great pain and heartache for me to appreciate and understand the meaning and importance of my family.
The town was small, perhaps a bit too small. No more than 700 people resided in Bedford, Kentucky in 1970, but that didn’t matter to me. I saw nothing but fertile farmland and a small town square. The gushing swell of the Ohio River could be heard for miles. The smell of cured tobacco leaves swarmed and polluted the air. The smoke from the Trimble County Power Plant stood as a guide to my real home. I knew not why we left our home in Ohio, nor did I know what was to come in Bedford, Kentucky. I was one of those women who weren’t to quick to judge, nor very optimistic in a area, starting from practically nothing. I went along with Rogers plans of a new life, a better life, hoping that we could all find happiness in a new community.
Our house was strange, our land was strange, everything was strange. I began to think this was a bad idea. Over the course of several months, my family and I had to learn several different skills. My little cherubs, Matt, Mark and Lori learned to pick and grow crops. Roger, my husband, tried to get jobs at several farms in the area. Myself, I tended to the house. I cleaned and cooked like every normal mother does. Although I had to learn new skills like curing tobacco to sell, and teaching my children basic writing and arithmetic.
The morning was bright. The smell of dew rose from the air and the sun peaked over the horizon. The smell of summer swirled around and kissed the edges of my nostrils. I yelled for Roger, but no answer. I yelled once more, no answer. I screamed at the top of my lungs, no answer. I searched around the farm, until I saw it. Roger torn up and not moving. His overalls were stained with a hint of red, making a dark violet color. The tractor, no more than 10 feet in front of him was splattered in blood and had bits and pieces of his hair, skin and teeth.. No thought ran through my head. It felt like a dream, like is this really happening? I then knew what had happened, and I realized , I was the leader of the Lanning family. I knew I had to tell them, but how could I? How could I tell three young children their father wouldn’t be coming from the field ever again? I slowly walked back to the house.
I sighed as my children walked into the kitchen. I told them the truth, with total honesty. A weight lifted off my shoulders, yet a heavier weight dropped from my throat to the bottom of my stomach. They took it differently than I thought. They were very calm, but had a hint of disappointment. You could tell they were upset, but I felt like they knew that if they had started crying, I would have too. I knew I had to get us out of here; it was now or never. We had to get back to Columbus to see if we could get our life back on track. I knew it was going to be difficult, but it had to be done, even if it meant living at my parents house until we got some money for a house. We packed the car and headed for Columbus.
Thoughts of Roger filled my brain and made me repeat the question, what if I just said no? None of this would have happened if I had just said no. Roger would be alive, our children would be in school. I slowly began to realize that this was my fault. If I had been the realistic adult and realized that this was a bad idea, none of this would have happened. Out of all this though, my relationship with my family strengthened. Although nothing obviously positive came from it, something beneficial did. It took me this long to understand it, but I realized my family would always be there for me, during thick and thin. I am proud of my children. They experienced a very difficult part of life and took it like mature men and women. I couldn’t ask for better children. They will always be here to support me, and I couldn’t ask for anymore.
